Mothers Over 40 - A Mother Again at 49

Francine Christiane Marsh Michael "Mikey" Alexander Marsh

At age 49 I was surprised to find myself engaged to be married again. I decided it was time to take my future husband to California, to meet my family. We spent Christmas with the whole clan and they all fell in love with my soon-to-be husband. That was in December, 1996.

While there my Mother mentioned that my baby-brother, (40-yrs-old) and his girl-friend, had a baby. It was a shock to me, as my brother was Bipolar, an alcoholic, and a drug addict! A baby! I couldn't even believe he had a girl-friend! What girl in her right mind would get involved with him? "A girl in just-as-bad-a-shape, as him" my Mother said. Well where was the baby? Was it a boy, a girl? No one knew anything except the baby-boy, was born with some kind of heart problem and was in a hospital, somewhere. My brother had no phone or real address, so we only got information from his short and far-between phone calls. I don't know why, (except I believe that God had plans for me that I didn't know about) but I couldn't get that baby out of my head! My Mother said that my brother never wanted the baby, but was not able to get the Mother to abort. My brother may not be "all there", and yes he self-medicates with drugs and alcohol, but at least he had enough sense to know that neither one of them was fit to take care of a child, especially one with a heart condition. I'm glad He wasn't able to get the Mother to abort, (I don't believe in abortion) but I believe God was protecting that baby even then. No one knew the extent of that condition either. As far as anyone knew, the child may have died. It was very sad to think that the poor little thing was all alone somewhere, without any family, and not even a name yet. He had been taken into protective custody right after birth and flown "somewhere" for heart surgery. I guess the "State" agreed with my brother's opinion regarding their parental abilities.

When I got back home to Washington, I tried to put the baby out of my mind. I'm a freight broker and work at home. December was a slow month in my industries cycle, so I had time on my hands, which allowed me time to think. But what was I thinking anyway?? I had already raised 3 children, I was a grandmother to 6 great kids! I had just seen my last child leave home less than a year earlier. I was about to marry a man a lot younger than me, and I was ready to begin the time of my life! I would do all the things I had dreamed about, but couldn't afford to do while I was raising my children. Life was good! Yet, here I was dialing Honolulu's Child Protective Agency, in order to tract down a child that didn't even have a name! A child I knew nothing about! Talk about a mid-life crisis! I'd never heard of it affecting a woman this way! I thought I was supposed to bleach my hair blonde, or buy a red sports car! I was already marrying the "younger man!" Well at least I got that part right! The last thing I needed or wanted, was another child! And still, I just couldn't get him out of my mind. I got the number from information. Took a deep breath, and dialed....

myself right into a new life!

A man's voice answered at the other end, "Honolulu CPS, may I help you?" "Yes, my name is Francine, and I'm calling from Washington State." "I'm trying to locate a baby-boy, born less than a month ago in Honolulu, and apparently born with a congenital heart defect of some kind." "He was born to my brother and his girl-friend, they are both mentally ill, well I know my brother is, and uh, that's about all I know, can you help me?" He asked the Mother's name. "Sorry, I don't know it." He asked the baby's name. "Sorry, I don't know that he's been named, yet." He asked, "What exactly do you know?" All I knew was my brother's name and that he was the Father. He said that really wouldn't help since the child would be listed under the Mother's name. I was praying to myself and I guess I got pretty quiet, then he asked, "All right, what's your brother's name?" I told him.

Then he became quiet. I just knew he was shaking his head, wondering if it was something in our Washington apples, when he finally said, "I'm your brother's case-worker and the baby is at Children's Hospital, in San Diego, California. We've been praying that someone in your family would take an interest in this child. The Mother's family wants nothing to do with her or the baby. Your brother hasn't been much help, and the baby's Mother is not in any mental condition to care for herself, let-alone a child. Time is running out! I'm so glad you called when you did, because he is going to be put up for adoption and we really would like to see a family member take him instead!" I couldn't believe it as he rambled on. In less than 3 minutes I had more information than I had ever expected, with one phone call! My brother's Case-worker! What were the odds! No odds, God!

I called Children's Hospital. Got hold of the Social-Worker I was told to ask for, and said, "Hello!" "You have a baby-boy there from Honolulu, half-Japanese, with a congenital heart defect of some kind?" She hesitated, "Yes, baby-boy S------, but he's had surgery and is doing fine." " He doesn't have a name yet, so we just call him baby-boy and the Mother's last name." "Why are you asking?" Without so much of a thought, I heard myself answer, "I'm his new Mom and his name is Michael." "Please tell me all you can about him." "I want to know all everything!" "Oh, and can I call you every day, to check on him?"

That was December, 1996. I brought Mikey, (he prefers to be called Mikey) home in June, 1997. Mikey was 6 1/2 months old. He was in his 4th foster home. He had one toy rattle and one outfit. I flew to Honolulu for the 5th and last time, to bring him home. I had seen him the first time when he was 3 months old, and I had flown to Honolulu to have him circumcised. I spent an entire day and night with him , then flew home again. I loved him before I ever laid eyes on him. I missed him every second of every day. I had his nursery ready for 6 months. I had his Cardiologist set up to see him the minute he arrived. Finally, I was able to bring him home to stay. I had him until he was 2 1/2 before the adoption was completed. Just before the adoption was completed, my marriage ended. Just couldn't raise two kids! I lost a husband, but gained so much more. So now the end of the story.....

I am 54-years-old. I have 3 grown-up children, 6 grandchildren, 1 old-as-dirt, female dog, a pond in my backyard with 12 trout swimming around. I'm still a freight broker, working at home. My grandkids spend a lot more time with me, now that there are so many video games to play. And last, but certainly not least, I'm the proud Mom of a happy, healthy, supper-smart, polite, supper-cute, pre-school-goin', computer-wise, numbers and alphabet-knowin', Mommy-lovin' 4-year-old who thinks, I'm all that!! Know what? He's right!

Mikey's Mom (Francine Marsh)