My Bum Looks Big in Everything
(and I'm proud of it)
©Jan Andersen 2002
In my teenage years I recall walking down a street in the centre of Stockholm, sporting a pair of suffocatingly tight jeans that emphasised my voluptuous bottom in its full childbearing magnificence. It was one of the few occasions on which I had chosen not to wear a long top that obscured my ample behind. I'm not sure what made me opt for the revealing rather than concealing look that particular day since, in true teenage girl style, I had always been conscious of the fact that I wasn't blessed with the trimmest of derrières. After passing a group of young lads, all nudging each other and chortling the way that they do whenever they spot a mop of blonde locks and a wiggle, one of them shouted (in Swedish), "What a fine arse!"
Until that moment, I had never viewed my curves as something of which to be proud, despite the constant assurances from male friends that nice guys really do prefer well rounded women. I hate to admit that at that time I was also very much influenced by media images and magazine fashion spreads of impossibly svelte models whose skin was shrink-wrapped to their bones. To me, their bodies were synonymous with wealth, fame, happiness and, above all, desirability. I assumed that if I had a bum like a surfboard (taut, smooth and very flat), rather than one like a giant, overripe peach that you could comfortably park a bike in, I would have the best job, the best boyfriends and the best lifestyle.
The ridiculous thing is that I was never short of male attention and, at that point in my life, I wasn't really interested in pursuing a highflying career or seeking a long-term, meaningful relationship with some hunk who would father the world's most beautiful children. However, when I gazed at those beauty and fashion images of dewy-eyed stalks, I thought that at least I would be given the choice, if only I had a pert bottom.
I spent hours contorting my torso and neck into the most uncomfortable of positions to afford the best view of my wide posterior and try to benefit from the same view that those walking behind me would have. I never bothered to ask that age-old question of whether or not my bum looked big in what I was wearing. I knew it did. Even when I went through my ultra-thin, exercise-freak stage, my legs, arms and torso were tiny and my bottom, although firm, was still a prominent feature.
After the bum admiring incident in Sweden, I began noticing how the women who were voted "Rear of The Year" always had larger, more protruding bottoms like mine, with the shelf-effect at the base of the back. "You could rest a cup of tea on that quite comfortably", my partner once remarked. Lovingly of course. Naturally, he adores my bottom and claims that there's nothing more attractive than a large, full, soft, shapely, feminine bottom yearning to be caressed and squeezed. The last part is questionable, because my behind tends to invite slaps and squeezes when I'm least expecting it and the alluring appearance of my buttocks does not mean that there is an open invitation to touch. Nevertheless, the point is that larger bottoms are sensual and evoke irrepressible desires within lesser-hipped male species.
One male friend said to me recently, "Dating a woman with 9 inch hips is quite scary. It's like sleeping next to a bloke. I had one girlfriend who was so obsessed with being thin that it ruled her life (and mine) and completely ruined any sexual appeal that she had. When she sat on my lap, it was a very uncomfortable experience. Her bottom was so bony that I ended up with bruised thighs! OK, so looks aren't the be all and end all of attraction, but when a woman's personality is totally quashed by her preoccupation with her weight, then it does become an issue. A negative one."
There is a biological reason why women are supposed to have larger bottoms. From a reproductive point of view, women with a large hip to waist ratio i.e. the hourglass figure, apparently have a higher fertility level than those women who have the boyish, or apple-shaped figure. Since men are subconsciously attracted to females who display signs of fertility, it becomes clear how larger hips are enticing. The female hormones cause fat to be stored on the hips, breasts and thighs, which acts as a protective measure in ensuring that the woman has enough reserves to continue nursing her child during lean times.
Glamorising and idolising thinness tends to be a phenomenon of modern-day Western society, although there has been a recent trend for women to request cosmetic surgery procedures such as buttock-implants, thereby emulating more shapely celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez.
In some tribes, brides-to-be are fattened up for the wedding ceremony, which sounds like a very appealing process. "Here, have another cream bun. You've only eaten two today. Or how about a family-sized chocolate bar with nuts?" Marvellous. The Victorians also had the right idea when they believed that fatness was linked to high status and large bottoms were considered desirable, hence the creation of the bustle, which was a pad worn beneath the back of a skirt or dress to enhance the buttocks and add definition to those of smaller proportions.
I shall be eternally grateful to that Swedish lad who showed admiration for my curves, because it seemed more genuine than the reassuring comments that you expect from your nearest and dearest, which aren't always delivered with sincerity. I hope that he now has a successful, happy life, a beautiful family and, above all, a wonderful, caring wife with a bottom just like mine.
About the Author:
In addition to running Mothers Over 40, Jan Andersen is a Freelance Writer. If you are seeking the expertise of a professional writer, Jan can offer a variety of services, including the editing of personal creative writing pieces, critiquing, commercial copywriting, business writing, technical writing, proofreading, and marketing advice. For further details, or a free quotation, please e-mail Jan on worldwriteruk@hotmail.com
